I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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