I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize