Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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