I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
