Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
There are leaves in my underwear?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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