your thong is hanging out like whoa
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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