What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
