My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The adults are the big ones right?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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