Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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