We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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