Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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