You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
