I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
