I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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