I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
