I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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