This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
