WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
