So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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