You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i out mim tonsoeep
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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