You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
