the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You are the jesus of drinking
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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