I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
