he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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