btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
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he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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