it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
