Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
