OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
