Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
