we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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