I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
