He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
if i can run in heels then i can drive
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
