nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
