i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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