And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
