He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
