it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
