Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
