we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
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She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
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I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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