Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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