If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
