There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
All I want is dick and wine.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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