so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
