Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
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she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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