turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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