super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize