You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
