***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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