I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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