Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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