My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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