all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
they're like a gay fantastic four
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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