FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
