we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
