I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
