Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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