one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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