we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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