I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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