apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
