Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
